Stories I tell myself

Hi there,

I wanted to start this blog after a friend of mine suggested that I share my thoughts and life experiences with others. She says what I’ve gone through or am going through or will go through might help someone someday. I don’t know about that, but writing has always helped me process my thoughts so I figured why not? If I do this right, it can’t cause any harm to my life. So here I am. Sharing my thoughts. Let’s see how this goes.

My name is Kaitlin, but I prefer Kaity. I am a Pisces so it is my birthday soon. I’ll be 30 which is a little scary because my life looks almost nothing like I thought it would at this point in my life, but that’s a post for another day. Currently, I live in a northern suburb of Adelaide with my dog, Edam and my cats Priya and Preston. They are all rescues, and well Edam and the cats mostly need to be separated, but we make it work. I am a primary school teacher and I love it. I recently moved so I’m at a new school, in a new town and I don’t know anyone which is another reason this blog might be a good idea.

I grew up on the Eyre Peninsula, with my Mum, Dad and younger brother. Growing up my parents were close to their families, but I was always closer to my Mum’s side than my Dad’s. My cousins on my Dad’s side probably thought I believed I was better than them, when really I couldn’t connect with them in the same way. I always felt like I was in the way. Like whatever I thought, whatever I did there would be some reason that it didn’t work for them. I didn’t fit with them. But that’s the past. Sorta. I still feel like I’m not good enough for them or other people, although they aren’t in my life now. My Mum’s family, we grew older, grew apart so we aren’t in contact either but not in the same way. My brother was closer to Dad’s family, is still in contact with the cousins. We aren’t close though, we only hear from each other from time to time. Like months of no contact, then a random message from one of us.

Last year, my parents split up after 32 almost 33 years of marriage. Mum wasn’t happy for a long time, I knew that. There were moments where she would make small comments and I had a feeling that things really weren’t right at the beginning of March, just after my Grandad died (Mums step-dad). Mum lives with her new partner now, and Dad is learning how to be on his own for the first time. It’s weird, and I am trying to process it still. Life is weird.

I’ve never been able to maintain a long term relationship, romantically, my last one was when I was 17. I’ve had situationships and hook ups, but no one has ever stuck around for more than a few months. Except for one guy, but my god is that one complicated. He could have an entire post just written about him. He probably will. But even my friendships have been hard, so many people I know have friends from when they were in high school. Or even primary school. My friends now are amazing, but I always worry that somehow I am going to ruin those friendships by holding on too tight, I can be a little obsessive about keeping them in case they forget me. I think it’s part of my ADHD or generational abandonment issues or something. I dunno.

That’s pretty much the basis of me. I have a range of thoughts and whatever, that I’ll share from time to time, like a diary for now I guess. If you’ve read this, thank you. I don’t know if my life will actually be interesting to anyone, but hey, I might as well keep trying, even just for me. Maybe this will help me some how.

Until next time,

Kaity

P.S. I know that using a Bitmoji is probably lame at this point, but because I’m a teacher, I’m trying to have just a little anonymity.