Stories I tell myself

I promised myself that I would write here at least once a week, I forgot yesterday so here I am.

Taking a mental health day definitely helped, until I went into my classroom and found out my part time co-worker changed my space. Not in a big way, she just added a shelf into the room. But to me on Tuesday, woof was it a big deal. It gave me the heebies all day. If you are reading this and have any kind of contact with a Neurodivergent person, please don’t change their environment without them being there. It really fucks with our heads. I was slightly petty about it and moved my stuff that she had put on the new shelf off and pack onto my desk. When I go back tomorrow I will probably fix it, because I know I over reacted, but I will have a chat with her and maybe she can teach her lessons in a different room, we have one available, I can use an excuse like wall space or something. Or I can be brave and honest, I’ll figure that out by Friday when she is back at work.

I have decided I am not my parents keeper. I am my own person, and the only life I can control is mine. They are adults, technically they remembered my birthday so I can’t be too mad I guess, but I’m also not going to be the person who sorts out their issues anymore. A friend of mine, who has worked with me on my journey of self discovery, just mentioned that my messaging her isn’t a bother, I just need reassurance because I’ve been abandoned. I never thought about it that way, my whole life my emotional needs were ignored as too much or a problem to be punished. That one comment, even though my friend wouldn’t have meant it in any way other than as part of my journey of healing, made something click inside me, I have been emotionally abandoned. I can deal with a label, it helps.

Anyway, those things probably sound dramatic, but I really feel okay today. 4 days of work this week and then it’s the weekend again. Who can complain about that?

Show yourself some love for me? It’s a journey I know, but if I can work on it so can you.